Mustard Seed.

"Increase our faith" (Luk 17:5) Said the apostles to Our Lord Jesus Christ, and so do we say unto Him with them: O Lord increase our faith. Increase our faith because it is your promise that "He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live” (Joh 11:25) Increase our faith so that we can indeed submit our lives in Your Holy Hands, Your passionate Hands, Your mighty Hands. Increase our faith O our Resurrected Christ, so that we can indeed rejoice in you always [Phi 4:4].

But, O Our Lord who is knowledgeable of what is seen and unseen, hidden and manifest, you answered the apostles saying: “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ’Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea’, and it would obey you” (Luk 17:6) Lord, I have no such faith! I don’t have that faith that is as small as a mustard seed!! I can not move mulberry trees! We can not heal a sick!

So Lord, with the apostles we cry unto thee: "Why could we not …?". (Mat 17:19), and you answer: “Because of your unbelief” (Mat 17:20). Oh our passionate and kind Lord, this is hard. I used to think that I believe in you. But it turns out that I don’t have faith even as small as a mustard seed! How come my lord! I do believe! I hope I do! “O wretched man that I am!” (Rom 7:24)

I can not pull up mulberries, that are sins, by the roots from my heart! I can not move mountains, that are the burdens and tribulations of the worldly care from the back of the burdened people! I can not heal the sick, that is to guide the spiritually lost, for I am sick myself! I can not even know myself, or what is best for it, for I thought I have faith, but clearly I don’t. Woe me!

I have no faith to submit to you, to rely partially and wholly on you! To seek you always, to be with you always, that I shall rejoice in you always! All what you ask for is a mustard seed size faith, and this I can not afford! Woe me! Woe me!

But, how then Lord? How did the disciples whom you told that they do not believe, how did they turn into the faith preachers around the world?

"I am the way, the truth, and the life” (Joh 14:6), “for without Me you can do nothing” (Joh 15:5).

I Know and believeth that without You we can do nothing. But what does it mean that You are the way? I understand that You are the truth and the life, but what does it mean that You are the way? In what sense are You the way? Are we all required to quit jobs and become hermits? Are we all required to stop all life activities and just pray, or what? Or does it mean that we should walk in Your way? I believe it is the later. It should be the later; “Let all things be done for edification” (1Co 14:26)

But then, where is that your path so that I can walk it? “Direct my steps by Your word” (Psa 119: 133), for how can I hear Your voice O Lord to know the way? “Show me Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths” (Psa 25:4)

I know You said that your sheep know Your voice and follows Thee [Joh 10:27], but I am a lost sheep! I am lost my Good Shepherd! Not due to disobedience or stubborn, You know, but out of ignorance and lack of faith! “help my unbelief!" (Mar 9:24)

Lord, here is my understanding of Your way, and that You are the way: that whatever I do, I seek You in it; work or service, prayers, praises or singing, success or trials to success, sickness or health, playing or relaxing, marriage or celibacy, in all ways I shall seek You. I will seek Your will O Lord, and will leave the rest, in faith, to You. I will seek Your will, do my job; thinking and planning and actuating, and submit to Your will, believing that You will respond, but won’t condition You how to respond. If You will to guide me while thinking and planning, Thy will be done. If you will to guide me through circumstances, obstacles and easiness, Thy will be done. If You will to let me get astray, I believeth this shall return for my goodness, and I believeth Thou shall restore me, Thy will be done. If You will dishonor to me, let Your name be glorified in my dishonor [Rom 9:21], I will accept that as my message in life and rejoice for You used me for the glory of your name, Thy will be done! But Lord, one think I can not plan or actuate, for it is above me and I don’t truly realize what it is: faith! I still don’t have faith as small as the size of a mustard seed! And I don’t know what I can do about it! Lord, I entreat you: grant me to believe in You and only You. “Help my unbelief!" (Mar 9:24)