One disciple ran away leaving his garments in the soldiers hands!
Another disciple was furious and used his sword to defend himself, and defend Christ!
Most other disciples were too afraid to follow Christ, they ran away and hided themselves.
One still followed Christ, but at one stage he denied Christ!
Only one followed Christ to the Cross, in silence!
Sometimes, the first watch of night passes, and the second then the third, and it is almost the end of the fourth watch: we are still struggling in our boat, fighting waves, winds and rain! We - partially - loose faith! Even when we see Christ at this point, walking on water, we think it cannot be truly Him, it must be a Ghost!
Sometimes Christ is asleep - in peace - in our boat, but it is stormy outside and we are actually sinking! We again think we *need* to awaken Christ up.
Well, sometimes Christ just wants to grant us the spiritual level of believing in Him, while He is still on the cross, and it doesn't seem it will reach to an end!
When following Christ means our death, of this world! Everything looks wrong around us. Nothing that we can see that this may lead to our good at the end. No sign that this is for the glory of God's name, nor the benefit of any person. We therefore loose faith in Him, and start asking Him: if you are the Son of God, get down of the cross!
But it seems that this is exactly the point: God wants us to keep our faith, in meekness and tranquility - and may be in pain - until death! Didn't He love us to the end, to the death of the Cross? But He received no reward for doing so, but we surely are rewarded! The disciple who followed Christ to the end of the Cross, deserved to be called: the beloved. Deserved to see the revelation! Reserved to be given the ever Holy St. Mary, the Mother of God, as his mother! The key is: St. John followed Christ having faith in Him even during agony and the hours of darkness, with no exact request from Christ: to save him, to get down of the cross, nor any other request. The complete simple faith: I know you are the Son of God, and I trust you not caring to see the outcome, and I follow you, even if that leads to my worldly-death!
The even greater news is that there is still hope for all disciples, even the right-hand thief! After all, they all became the Apostles who spread the faith in Christ in the whole world! Each of them received the proper treatment to restore their faith!
So, if you are going through the hours of darkness, remember the disciples and ask God to grant you this: to believe in Him through the Cross, not expecting or requesting anything! Remembering Job, his suffer and God's answer to Him helps. God said:
(1) I AM love, so trust that I love you,
(2) I AM Wisdom, so trust I know what is best for you, and
(3) I AM The Almighty, so trust I can achieve for you what is for the best!
May God touch the hearts of us all, especially during dark hours of cross, that we may have life in Christ, which is Joy in Him!
